This Recruiter E-mail Approaches Optimally Bad June 12, 2012 | 05:05 pm

This is a headhunter e-mail I received today. I wish I could say it was out of the ordinary, but it’s only remarkable in how fully it embodies the general tone of headhunter e-mails I tend to receive.

Bottom line: Are you sick of working with people that don’t give a $*!% about their code?! Are you bored out of your skull? Are you not working up to your intellectual/creative capabilities? If any/all of this is true, we would love to speak to you. We’re not looking for 15 people; we’re looking for just one, possibly you.

Our client is on the cutting edge of cloud computing, developing software that is impacting the commoditization of cloud and influencing how big companies use and manage their clouds. This position is for a front end ‘architect/genius” developer to work on a rock star team with a focus on all NEW development, encountering challenges never before seen, and opportunities never before explored. You will work with JavaScript, CSS3 and jQuery in addition to other tools that YOU may recommend for building the best front end functionality that is possible.

Developer/coding elitists need only apply. If you are particular and passionate or know someone that is, we want to talk to you!

A few notes:

  1. Either swear or don’t. Hiding your swearing behind symbols is the worst of all possible worlds, because it says that you’re being informal enough to use crude language, but not informal enough to actually trust me to be able to read your crude language.
  2. Keep your hackneyed epithets to a minimum. Or at least pick one and commit. Rockstar? Genius? Elitist? I have to be ALL of those things?
  3. And while we’re on this point: Stop Giving Me So Many Blatant Opportunities to Think about How Great I Am. It’s a transparent sales ploy, and doesn’t give me any information about the position you’re attempting to fill.
  4. Likewise, Stop Giving Me So Many Blatant Opportunities to Think about How Horrible Everyone Else Is. Seriously? Is that the kind of person who you want to hire? You want a flaming narcissist who is going to feel perpetually underutilized and superior to the rest of the team? For real? Soft skills are valuable in software development, and the best developers I know are the ones who are also humble and engaged in communities. The brogrammer who is convinced they are smarter than everyone else is a stagnant investment for your business and a morale killer for your team.
  5. Finally, If Your Position Was That Cool, You Wouldn’t Be E-mailing Me Out of the Blue. Nobody using standard technologies is really “encountering challenges never before seen, and opportunities never before explored”. That hyperbole is just plain nonsense, and the people engaged in those kinds of projects aren’t recruiting through spammy e-mails.

  • Mackenzie

    I have been getting a ridiculous amount of contact from headhunters lately. The number of repeats from the same headhunting firm (didn’t I tell you yesterday that I’m not looking for a new job?) is annoying, and it’s unbelievable how many times I’ve been contacted about places hiring in Pittsburgh. I don’t have a Pittsburgh address on my LinkedIn or my website. I’m in Maryland. The last time I sent out resumes in Pittsburgh was as I finished university 18 months ago! They’re 18 months behind on going through old resume submissions? Maybe that’s why they’re having trouble finding anyone: they’re looking at stale resumes from people who already found jobs.

  • dave

    This is my winning loser from today, from some random recruiting company I don’t remember talking to (probably called me for some BS “senior java” job that I deleted without response). It’s the second email from their out-of-control human-free automation…

    This is a reminder that you are required to complete the Application Process by uploading
    your CV and the TCS Application Form. You can fill and submit the Application Form online,
    or download the Application Form template and then upload the completed Application
    Form in the system. After you have submitted the Application Form successfully, kindly
    upload your CV in the system.
    Unless you complete the application process your application will not be considered.

    Never mind that I just started a new (and very pleasing) new job this week and have no interest in whatever it is they’re peddling.